note to self...

do not ever go running 15 minutes after eating tomato soup and grilled cheese. It was maybe four minutes into last night's run/walk before I got a huge cramp in my side that stuck with me for the entire remaining 26 minutes. Ugh. I thought I was going to die. However, I stuck it out, which made me proud. Last night was way harder than night one...which wouldn't make sense to me other than the tomato soup observation.

On a more positive note, N - my 9 year old, is doing the program with me. I'm so happy and so proud that he is. He's a chunky kid who, although he gets lots of exercise, was cursed with the genes from my side of the family. This means that he'll have to figure out a way to deal with those nasty genes for the rest of his life. It's particularly hard for him because his brother remarkably got the genes from my mother-in-law's family and could blow away in a strong breeze. He could live off milkshakes and candy bars and stay skinnier than one of his younger brother's thighs. Anyway, N, at the tender age of 9, already has horrible body image issues and lacks confidence as a result. It breaks my heart, really. No 9 year old should be ashamed to take his shirt off at the swimming pool and it makes me tear up every time I see him struggle with that. So...back to the positive side. He's running with me and I've discovered that he is probably the BEST cheerleader and motivator on the planet! He's in way better shape than I and he spends most of the 30 minutes running ahead, then turning around while jogging in place to yell "Come on mom, you can do it!" "Don't give up! You're doing great!" or "I'm so proud of you!" Really amazing. I'm glad we're doing this together and our mutual goal is to RUN in the next 5K that his brother runs in. Instead of being spectators, we're going to be participants.

when will I learn?

If I had a dollar for every time I've tried to start something new to get healthy...

I'd like to say this time is different, but truth be told, I don't have tons of confidence in myself. I've failed so many times that I'm not sure what makes me think this time will be different. I guess the easiest way to look at it is to say that I'm tired of being a spectator. I'm tired of being the one who goes to road races to take pictures of friends and family who are running. I'm tired of being "the fat mom". I'm tired of being the invisible one when I'm out with my friends. I'm tired of saying "I hate to shop" when the honest statement is that I hate to shop for me. I want to shop in the regular stores. I'm tired of being winded from just walking up a flight of stairs. I'm tired of being the one who has a hard time on the hike. Most importantly, I'm tired of setting a bad example for my kids. I don't want N to be in the same situation I'm in 30 years from now.

So, here we go again.

Last night. Day 1, Week 1
N ran with me. He was much faster than me, which is probably good because it pushed me (and my ego wouldn't let me quit!). It was freezing cold, but nice out. I'm pretty embarrassed that it was as hard as it was. Boy, am I out of shape. I found several podcasts designed specifically for the program and that definitely helps -not having to clock watch while I go is nice. Especially since it's so dark outside when I go. Eventually, I'd like to run to my own music - way more enjoyable - but, for now, this works.