5k v.2

I ran in a last minute 5k this past weekend. Not prepared and not sure I could even run 3 miles. I've had a heck of a time getting my mileage back up after my calf injury a few months ago. However, when I got the email from my friend, M, at the beginning of last week, I felt compelled to say "sure!" Last time, my goal was to run the whole thing without walking any of it. I accomplished that goal! This time, I wasn't as confident about running the whole thing, but my goal was to finish it in less time than my last one (a speedy 40.22 haha).

It was a hilly, calf-achingly, difficult run, but I did it! Chip time was 39.11 (which allowed me to officially say I beat my last time, although not by much! :) I walked a few of the hills, but I walked quickly. I think my pacing was a problem...ran the first mile WAY too quickly and never was able to really recover. Didn't help that the whole last half was uphill (or maybe it just felt that way!).

5k #2 is behind me and I'm going to work towards the next one - RFTC on October 3. I've found that having a race on the calendar keeps me motivated. Right now, however, my calves and shin splints are so sore, I can't imagine going out to run. I'll give myself another day or two to rest, then hit the pavement again! This is a little addictive.

On the weight front, I think I've gained a few pounds in the last few weeks. I've been very bad about tracking...so, this week, back on the tracking bandwagon...ugh. So sick of doing that.

Red, White, Blue and Vodka

I had a great fourth of July weekend - did really well on food, but drank my points in vodka! We did our annual Mt. Pleasant/IOP trip and I was proud of the eating. However, the drinking was unbelievable. The first night, I did cranberry pomagranite with vodka, but wisened up the next day, stopping to buy diet tonic. A little lime and lots of crushed ice - yum!

Running has been going really well. Still not going far, but what I lack in distance, I'm making up for in consistency. The distance will come. And so far, the calf feels great!

Start 227.8
Current 197.8

Total 30

Long Time, No Write...

It's been a long time. I've been in such a funk and, in the past, that was when I wanted to write the most. But, this time...not so much.

Anyway, I'm back on track - mentally and physically. There has been a lot going on.

mentally - still not where I need/want to be.
physically - my calf is feeling great and I've been able to slowly start building up my running efforts again!

I didn't think the day would ever come when I would say that is a relief. I've never enjoyed exercising, but my relationship with it has really changed. I still don't like it. I don't know that I ever will. I do, however, LOVE how it makes me feel. Physically, I feel strong and like a part of the world. Rather than driving by runners and thinking to myself how much I wish that were the kind of person I am. I AM that person. Sometimes, when I'm running, I visualize some person driving by, seeing me, and wishing they were the one out there. It makes me feel strong and it makes me feel proud.

Mentally, my hope is that the running and the sense of pride I feel will make my mental focus better. I'll feel better about myself and will stay motivated. I've been doing an awful job tracking for WW. I don't think I'm making bad choices overall, but I really haven't been writing (or typing) it down. I need to work on that.

Start 227.8
Current 198.4

Total 29.4

Frustration and Injury

I'm in a funk. I've been trying to deny it, but it's in front of me, clear as day. Funkiness. Blahs. Annoyance.

Funkiness #1 - I can't seem to get past this calf injury. I know I need to call the doctor and get it checked out, but I'm sure I'm going to be put on a "running hiatus" when I do. I know it's important to rest it in order to heal, but here's the thing. I've spent my whole life hating exercise. I've tried the gym-rat approach. I've tried bike riding. I've tried swimming. I've tried walking. I've tried yoga. I've just never clicked with any of those things. I've even tried running before. For some reason, this time, running has clicked. I've enjoyed it more than I ever have. The feeling of accomplishment I got when I finished that 5k was enough to keep me coming back for more. It's not that I love it while I'm doing it, but I love the way it makes me feel afterwards - physically and emotionally. I feel proud. I feel energized. I love the way it helps those pounds go down. And now that I've discovered that, I don't want to give it up. It's really depressing. So, last night while running with N, I came to the conclusion that I really do need to call the doctor. It's been going on too long and it's clearly not improving on it's own, despite all of my efforts with ice, ibuprofen, massage, stretching, heat, etc... it's depressing.

Funkiness #2 - I clearly have hit a plateau in WW - I'm been hovering around the same weight for quite a while (or at least it feels that way to me). This week, I've been the model weightwatcher. I've tracked EVERYTHING. I've done some sort of exercise every day. I've eaten all of my points, but haven't gone over even one day. I'm eating all of my veggies and keeping refined sugar to a minimum. I'm drinking a ton of water!!! I know I shouldn't get on the scale during the week (WI is on Tuesdays), but I stepped on this morning before I got in the shower and NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I've scoured my tracker to see what needs to change, but I'm mirroring my foods from a good week and I really don't see what's wrong. ARGH.

Any ideas for snapping out of a rut? I'm all ears....

New Week

My WI this week was not anything to write about. I'm up less than a pound, but it's still UP. I've been tremendously lucky that a gain hasn't happened much since I started this and, when it has, it's been minimal. I want to use it to jumpstart me into focus again. A couple of things...

1. I haven't been doing great with my tracking and that changes starting today. I am committed to tracking everything this week to see if it helps.
2. I am committing to doing at least one active thing every single day this week. That doesn't mean hard core exercise, but I want to run at least three times (if the sore calf allows...can't believe it's still bothering me).
3. I am committing to cut out all after dinner snacking. This isn't a huge one for me...I don't eat much after dinner normally, but those little bites here and there add up.

We'll see how it goes.

Start 227.8
Current 199.6

Total 28.2

Tuesday: Went running
Wednesday: Hand weights, leg lifts
Thursday: Went running

OK Go!

Here we go, here we go, here we go again....

I can't get that song out of my head. I think I need to download it to my ipod so I can run to it. I got under 200 and I've been eating like a horse ever since. What the hell is wrong with me? ACK.

The last three days have been horrendous on the eating front. Just writing that makes me laugh because I've been really good compared to what I would have eaten BWW (before weight watchers...), but for somebody trying to lose weight, it's been awful. I've had wine (several glasses), I've had calamari (fried, nonetheless), I've had a veggie grinder (no mayo, but lots of cheese), and I can't think of what else because I haven't written it down! I've just about blown every one of my 35 extra points and it's only Friday night. I better be good for the rest of the week just to maintain this week. Otherwise, I'll go right back over that "2" ledge.

Tomorrow, I'm going to the running store to get fitted for a new pair of kicks. My calf is feeling good and I'm ready to get back out there and run! Hopefully, that's what I need to run pain-free and I can hit the road. If I can run every day, no matter how short the distance, between now and Tuesday, I may salvage this horrible week!

Pause a moment and enjoy...

I went into my WW meeting this week hoping to hang on by my fingernails. This week was full of celebrations - my 15th anniversary, C's birthday...I knew I had done as well as I could, but I also knew that I had gone to Melting Pot, I had a piece of icecream cake, I had several glasses of wine, I had a spoonful of mac-n-cheese. I had tried hard to compensate and plan for all of these, but let's just say, I wasn't expecting much from the WI. I went in thinking if I can hold on through May, then I can start June fresh and do better.

Well, imagine my surprise when I got on the scale and was DOWN 1.4 pounds! CRAZY. 1.4 is what I consider to be reasonably good for a normal week. But, this week....wow. I'm a little in shock. I still can't run (although now it's more about my crazy sore foot than my calf strain issue)...I've walked some, but not enough that I consider it real exercise.

But, here's the bigger thing. It takes me down to the "1s". I've been stuck above 200 for so long, I began to think I wasn't going to ever make it happen. The 1s. I haven't had a 1 in front of my weight since BEFORE N was born. That's over 10 years ago. Thinking about this day, I thought I'd be more emotional. I thought I'd really stop my world for a while and savor the moment. But, truth is, it took me around an hour to even really realize the significance of this WI. I still have so far to go, but I really need to make myself pause for a moment and enjoy my accomplishment. It's a quiet celebration. I've not told anyone in my family how much I weighed when I started, so nobody knows to celebrate with me and I'm really okay with that. My kids are dying to know how much I weigh, but I've been so ashamed of that number, that all I've said is "when I'm done losing weight, I'll tell you what the number was. Until then, it's my secret." They don't really understand why I won't share it and I don't have a good explanation, but I really think it has a lot to do with the embarassment I feel that I let my weight get away from me that far. I'm starting to see myself again when I look in the mirror. Or, more accurately, it's the self that I think I still saw at my heaviest, but other people didn't see.

I have a pile of clothes in the corner of my room. Every time I go to put something on and it's too big, I take it off and put it in that stack. It'll be my "give away" stack. It's not a huge stack yet, which is weird since I've lost almost 30 pounds...I've really only gone down a size or two. But, I feel like I'm on the cusp of that stack getting much larger. Today, I'm wearing a pair of cropped pants I've had for years that have always fit, although not always well. Today, they're pretty big on me. They still fit, but another five pounds and they won't.

So, this is a long entry to say I know I still have a long way to go, but today's WI is important in the fact that it seals my belief that I can do it. I've come this far. I can continue. And, for now...I'm going to pause a moment and enjoy it.

Start 227.8
Current 199.4

Total 28.4

Wasted Anxiety

I was nervous that enough people wouldn't sign up...there were.
I was nervous that the two weeks without a meeting was going to do me in...it didn't.

Start 227.8
Current 200.4

Total 27.4

So, I didn't see the "1" this week. Although, when I weighed myself on my own scales, it shows more like 198. However, I'm considering the WW scale the "official" scale, so it looks like one more week in the "2"s...but then, I'm done with those forever! I can't believe I'm even saying that.

Spinning out of control...

Ahhhhh...I just reread my last post and it makes me a little sick. There's no way in hell that I'll see that "1" this week. It's been a bad week, food wise, so far. I know I have until Tuesday's weigh in, but it's hard to see it happening. Tomorrow is a new day and I really need to refocus and get back on track. I haven't been tracking at all the last few days. Add to that my lack of running and it doesn't make for a good combination!

Too much eating out and not enough exercise. Bad.

Why do I sabotage myself like this?

Good Week

I lost three pounds this week, which is a little bizarre, really. I didn't run as much as normal, I ate pretty well, but no better than I normally do. I tracked, but slacked on the weekend (heheh...that rhymes). The ONE thing I can see that I did differently is that I only had ONE GLASS of wine this week. One glass on Saturday night. Maybe that was the difference, although I don't want that to be it because I really don't want to give up my wine!

I really don't seem to have a trend going, here. Hmmm....

Start 227.8
Current 203.6

Total 24.2

Maintaining...

Frustrating week on the WW front. I was dedicated to tracking...I cut out the jelly beans...I ran 4 times...and I didn't lose a pound. AHHH...

Oh, well...I'll keep on keepin' on and hopefully this week will be a little more productive. I'm only four pounds away from seeing a 1 at the beginning of my weight and I really want to get that in the next few weeks.

Start 227.8
Current 206.6

Total 21.2

WW, Jelly Beans and Alcohol

Maybe I've discovered the jelly bean and wine diet. Somehow, despite the ridiculous amount of alcohol consumption and scarfing down more jelly beans than I care to admit, I managed to lose 2 pounds. I was so worried today due to all of that (plus the fact I was wearing REALLY light clothes at the last weigh in, which I thought caused an over estimation of my weight loss last time...so, I'm happy with the two!!!

Start 227.8
Current 206.6

Total 21.2

I am not good at this blogging thing...

I keep thinking I'm going to do better at keeping up with this...


I was terrified of this week's weigh in because I drank like a college student this week, ate out countless times...I have beeen running, but last week, I only ran twice due to the weather and my knee hurting. So, fearfully, I climbed on the scale and was DOWN 1.4 pounds! I could hardly believe it. Deep inside, I think it was the clothes I was wearing. It was a really warm day and my clothes probably weighed half as much as normal. But, I just need to remember that at the next weigh in if things don't seem to go my way.


Running - up to 2.8 miles! WITH the hurt knee! Sooooo, sooooo proud of myself on that front. I expect I'll hit three miles within the next week (just in time for the 5k the first week of May) and I might burst into tears when I do!


Start 227.8
Current 208.6

Total 19.2

Weigh In

Down another 2.4! Woo hoo.

Start 227.8
Current 215

Total 12.8

I wonder...

So, this week is going to be an interesting one. I did well on the scale last week, so I guess I'm anticipating a less than exciting result this week. Especially when you add in the fact that we went to Melting Pot on Friday and I went out with the girls last night. I did as well as I could at both of those places, but I'd be fooling myself if I said I thought the numbers would be good.

I'm tired today and for the first time, I'm craving really bad food...candy...KFC...ice cream...french fries. I just don't trust myself around that stuff yet, but the cravings are awful. I've tried to distract myself, but I'm not doing so well with that today.

Maybe writing this will help. So, at 10.4 pounds, I haven't lost enough that anyone notices yet. I've noticed in small, subtle ways:
My brown boots are easier to zip up
My rings fit more loosely
My jeans, although I'm far from going down a size, are definitely looser and fit well right out of the dryer. By the end of the day, they're stretched out and feel too big.
I can button up my green jacket again, which hasn't happened for a while.
My knee doesn't hurt nearly as bad as it used to

I need to keep a running list like this so I can remind myself of how far I've come. Even if it doesn't seem that way to others.

So close...

So, damn. I didn't get below 220 this week. I was down 3 pounds, which is great, but that keeps me at 200.4.

Argh.

I really thought I had made it. Damn The Biggest Loser - who has totally screwed with our expectations for weekly weight loss. I guess if I were exercising 6 hours a day, I'd lose 8-10 pounds in a week, too! Next week....I'm all over it.

Start 227.8
Current 220.4

Total 7.4

Well...It could've been worse.

This week was a tough weight loss week. Nick's birthday (and associated birthday cake) added on to eating out three times made it a challenge. Overall, though, I think I did reasonably well under the pressure. I only lost .4 pounds, but at least it's going in the right direction! Haha.

Start 227.8
Current 223.4

Total 4.4

Two Steps Back, One Step Forward

Yeah, I know...It's supposed to be the other way around. I stopped the running effort for a couple of reasons that I won't bother detailing here, but the important thing is that this blog is going to turn into a different kind of diary.

The new year brought a renewed sense of determination...

today is day 1 of WW. I'm starting at 227.8 lbs., which is just totally ridiculous. When I watch The Biggest Loser and I see girls that weigh that much, I don't see myself looking like them. I guess I really do. So, it was an eye opener to see that number being written down on the sheet of paper. Ugh. I guess I have my work cut out for me.

Some things to motivate me if I need inspiration:
Mike's "oh, my God...she's huge!" reaction to the girls when they weigh in on TBL
Carl's Cameron Manheim comment
The fact I couldn't find a picture (or take a picture) of myself that I wanted to post on my FB page.
My extra chin that appears in every picture I see of myself
Nicholas

We're going to be starting a c25k program here at work, so that'll work it's way back into the writings.