Pause a moment and enjoy...

I went into my WW meeting this week hoping to hang on by my fingernails. This week was full of celebrations - my 15th anniversary, C's birthday...I knew I had done as well as I could, but I also knew that I had gone to Melting Pot, I had a piece of icecream cake, I had several glasses of wine, I had a spoonful of mac-n-cheese. I had tried hard to compensate and plan for all of these, but let's just say, I wasn't expecting much from the WI. I went in thinking if I can hold on through May, then I can start June fresh and do better.

Well, imagine my surprise when I got on the scale and was DOWN 1.4 pounds! CRAZY. 1.4 is what I consider to be reasonably good for a normal week. But, this week....wow. I'm a little in shock. I still can't run (although now it's more about my crazy sore foot than my calf strain issue)...I've walked some, but not enough that I consider it real exercise.

But, here's the bigger thing. It takes me down to the "1s". I've been stuck above 200 for so long, I began to think I wasn't going to ever make it happen. The 1s. I haven't had a 1 in front of my weight since BEFORE N was born. That's over 10 years ago. Thinking about this day, I thought I'd be more emotional. I thought I'd really stop my world for a while and savor the moment. But, truth is, it took me around an hour to even really realize the significance of this WI. I still have so far to go, but I really need to make myself pause for a moment and enjoy my accomplishment. It's a quiet celebration. I've not told anyone in my family how much I weighed when I started, so nobody knows to celebrate with me and I'm really okay with that. My kids are dying to know how much I weigh, but I've been so ashamed of that number, that all I've said is "when I'm done losing weight, I'll tell you what the number was. Until then, it's my secret." They don't really understand why I won't share it and I don't have a good explanation, but I really think it has a lot to do with the embarassment I feel that I let my weight get away from me that far. I'm starting to see myself again when I look in the mirror. Or, more accurately, it's the self that I think I still saw at my heaviest, but other people didn't see.

I have a pile of clothes in the corner of my room. Every time I go to put something on and it's too big, I take it off and put it in that stack. It'll be my "give away" stack. It's not a huge stack yet, which is weird since I've lost almost 30 pounds...I've really only gone down a size or two. But, I feel like I'm on the cusp of that stack getting much larger. Today, I'm wearing a pair of cropped pants I've had for years that have always fit, although not always well. Today, they're pretty big on me. They still fit, but another five pounds and they won't.

So, this is a long entry to say I know I still have a long way to go, but today's WI is important in the fact that it seals my belief that I can do it. I've come this far. I can continue. And, for now...I'm going to pause a moment and enjoy it.

Start 227.8
Current 199.4

Total 28.4