I needed this today...

okay, not the part about the food, but the part about the running...

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5k v.2

I ran in a last minute 5k this past weekend. Not prepared and not sure I could even run 3 miles. I've had a heck of a time getting my mileage back up after my calf injury a few months ago. However, when I got the email from my friend, M, at the beginning of last week, I felt compelled to say "sure!" Last time, my goal was to run the whole thing without walking any of it. I accomplished that goal! This time, I wasn't as confident about running the whole thing, but my goal was to finish it in less time than my last one (a speedy 40.22 haha).

It was a hilly, calf-achingly, difficult run, but I did it! Chip time was 39.11 (which allowed me to officially say I beat my last time, although not by much! :) I walked a few of the hills, but I walked quickly. I think my pacing was a problem...ran the first mile WAY too quickly and never was able to really recover. Didn't help that the whole last half was uphill (or maybe it just felt that way!).

5k #2 is behind me and I'm going to work towards the next one - RFTC on October 3. I've found that having a race on the calendar keeps me motivated. Right now, however, my calves and shin splints are so sore, I can't imagine going out to run. I'll give myself another day or two to rest, then hit the pavement again! This is a little addictive.

On the weight front, I think I've gained a few pounds in the last few weeks. I've been very bad about tracking...so, this week, back on the tracking bandwagon...ugh. So sick of doing that.

Long Time, No Write...

It's been a long time. I've been in such a funk and, in the past, that was when I wanted to write the most. But, this time...not so much.

Anyway, I'm back on track - mentally and physically. There has been a lot going on.

mentally - still not where I need/want to be.
physically - my calf is feeling great and I've been able to slowly start building up my running efforts again!

I didn't think the day would ever come when I would say that is a relief. I've never enjoyed exercising, but my relationship with it has really changed. I still don't like it. I don't know that I ever will. I do, however, LOVE how it makes me feel. Physically, I feel strong and like a part of the world. Rather than driving by runners and thinking to myself how much I wish that were the kind of person I am. I AM that person. Sometimes, when I'm running, I visualize some person driving by, seeing me, and wishing they were the one out there. It makes me feel strong and it makes me feel proud.

Mentally, my hope is that the running and the sense of pride I feel will make my mental focus better. I'll feel better about myself and will stay motivated. I've been doing an awful job tracking for WW. I don't think I'm making bad choices overall, but I really haven't been writing (or typing) it down. I need to work on that.

Start 227.8
Current 198.4

Total 29.4

Frustration and Injury

I'm in a funk. I've been trying to deny it, but it's in front of me, clear as day. Funkiness. Blahs. Annoyance.

Funkiness #1 - I can't seem to get past this calf injury. I know I need to call the doctor and get it checked out, but I'm sure I'm going to be put on a "running hiatus" when I do. I know it's important to rest it in order to heal, but here's the thing. I've spent my whole life hating exercise. I've tried the gym-rat approach. I've tried bike riding. I've tried swimming. I've tried walking. I've tried yoga. I've just never clicked with any of those things. I've even tried running before. For some reason, this time, running has clicked. I've enjoyed it more than I ever have. The feeling of accomplishment I got when I finished that 5k was enough to keep me coming back for more. It's not that I love it while I'm doing it, but I love the way it makes me feel afterwards - physically and emotionally. I feel proud. I feel energized. I love the way it helps those pounds go down. And now that I've discovered that, I don't want to give it up. It's really depressing. So, last night while running with N, I came to the conclusion that I really do need to call the doctor. It's been going on too long and it's clearly not improving on it's own, despite all of my efforts with ice, ibuprofen, massage, stretching, heat, etc... it's depressing.

Funkiness #2 - I clearly have hit a plateau in WW - I'm been hovering around the same weight for quite a while (or at least it feels that way to me). This week, I've been the model weightwatcher. I've tracked EVERYTHING. I've done some sort of exercise every day. I've eaten all of my points, but haven't gone over even one day. I'm eating all of my veggies and keeping refined sugar to a minimum. I'm drinking a ton of water!!! I know I shouldn't get on the scale during the week (WI is on Tuesdays), but I stepped on this morning before I got in the shower and NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I've scoured my tracker to see what needs to change, but I'm mirroring my foods from a good week and I really don't see what's wrong. ARGH.

Any ideas for snapping out of a rut? I'm all ears....

New Week

My WI this week was not anything to write about. I'm up less than a pound, but it's still UP. I've been tremendously lucky that a gain hasn't happened much since I started this and, when it has, it's been minimal. I want to use it to jumpstart me into focus again. A couple of things...

1. I haven't been doing great with my tracking and that changes starting today. I am committed to tracking everything this week to see if it helps.
2. I am committing to doing at least one active thing every single day this week. That doesn't mean hard core exercise, but I want to run at least three times (if the sore calf allows...can't believe it's still bothering me).
3. I am committing to cut out all after dinner snacking. This isn't a huge one for me...I don't eat much after dinner normally, but those little bites here and there add up.

We'll see how it goes.

Start 227.8
Current 199.6

Total 28.2

Tuesday: Went running
Wednesday: Hand weights, leg lifts
Thursday: Went running

OK Go!

Here we go, here we go, here we go again....

I can't get that song out of my head. I think I need to download it to my ipod so I can run to it. I got under 200 and I've been eating like a horse ever since. What the hell is wrong with me? ACK.

The last three days have been horrendous on the eating front. Just writing that makes me laugh because I've been really good compared to what I would have eaten BWW (before weight watchers...), but for somebody trying to lose weight, it's been awful. I've had wine (several glasses), I've had calamari (fried, nonetheless), I've had a veggie grinder (no mayo, but lots of cheese), and I can't think of what else because I haven't written it down! I've just about blown every one of my 35 extra points and it's only Friday night. I better be good for the rest of the week just to maintain this week. Otherwise, I'll go right back over that "2" ledge.

Tomorrow, I'm going to the running store to get fitted for a new pair of kicks. My calf is feeling good and I'm ready to get back out there and run! Hopefully, that's what I need to run pain-free and I can hit the road. If I can run every day, no matter how short the distance, between now and Tuesday, I may salvage this horrible week!

Back at it...

So, the calf still hurts. Hard to believe after a full week of rest. Tonight, I decided I wanted to get back out there and run...My husband, M, and my younger son, N, decided they wanted to go with me. M really wants to start running, so I thought we could start the c25k over again. It would help him get started and would help me ease the leg back into exercise. It amazed me how much better shape I'm in this time around. I barely was even breathing hard. Amazing. I did run a faster pace, despite my leg pain.

I think I'm going to go to the running store next weekend and get fitted for new shoes. Maybe the leg pain is due to the wrong shoes. if that doesn't resolve the pain, I don't know what else to do! Fingers crossed!

We had fun - the three of us out running. We've picked out another 5k to run - a night run in a nearby town on July 17th. It'd be so cool if the whole family could do it!

It wasn't fast. It wasn't pretty. But, I did it.

Official time was 40.22, but this was snapped with a cell phone as we crossed the finish line. I still need to put my thoughts about the run into a format that does it justice...but, for now, let me just say this.

I was not last.
I wasn't even last in my age group (almost, but not quite)!
I was 100 of 116 women.
I was 200 of 222 people.
It may have been slow, but it was my personal best time.

All in all, a day to be very proud.

Finish what I started...

It's the night before the run and I'm a nervous wreck. I know a 5k is - to most people - not a big deal and I'm sure my runner friends think it's nuts that I making it one. My family and friends have been so supportive while I've been working up to this and my facebook page tonight is full of great, "go-get-'em" and "we're proud of you" comments. I appreciate it so much, but I do feel a little silly. Almost child-like. Kind of like when you're potty training a toddler and they pee in the toilet for the first time..."good girl! way to go! I'm so proud of you! What a big girl!"

My leg is still killing me, I know I'll have trouble sleeping because I'm anxious, I'm terrified I won't be able to finish. I've tried, unsuccessfully, to convince myself that walking is okay...but, deep inside, I don't believe walking is okay. Truth be told, I'll be really disappointed if I have to walk any of it. I don't want to disappoint myself again. I want, for the first time, to finish what I started.

Ouch

I hurt all over. I really thought all of this exercise was supposed to make me feel better, but instead, I walk around like a 90 year old lady most of the time. While I was running last night, I was doing a mental inventory of all of my aches and pains. Started with right calf muscle...KILLING ME!!! Every step for the first half mile came with it a shooting pain through my calf. That stopped bothering me around that point - just in time for my right hip flexor to start its familiar twinging and pinging (just to remind me it's there...). That is a constant, dull pain throughout my run. My lower left back hurts while I run as well. Oh, and my left knee, if I don't place that foot down perfectly, catches (especially when running up hill). Ah, the joys of running. What is this "runner's high" that people talk about? Haha.

Eventually, my body settles in and the aches fade into the background...maily because I'm focused so much on trying to breathe!

By the end, I feel pretty good. I stretch well afterwards and take ibuprofen and ice the hip flexor while I stretch and watch tv. However, this morning, I woke up to some serious pain in my right calf. Not sure what's going on...Lots of stretching today, trying to make it feel better. With the run this Saturday, I don't want to start out in pain.

I swear, I'll be happy if I can convince my 90 year old body to ever run again after the 5k on Saturday! :)

Surrogate Family

When I started off on this journey to prepare to run a 5k, I had one driver that I kept stating as my main motivation. Anyone who asked me "why?" received the same standard answer..."I have spent more time than I care to admit, waiting at the finish line for family members to finish - camera in hand, cheering loudly, ready to hand over a bottle of water. I want, for once, to be the one being greeted - not doing the greeting."

Well, guess what? I will not have even one family member greeting me at the finish line on May 2nd. NOT ONE!!! I'd be lying if I didn't admit it kind of peeves me, but there's nobody to be mad at. Everyone has a great excuse. Youngest son has soccer games 1 1/2 hours away and my husband needs to take him. Older son has a game 3 1/2 hours away and we're pawning him off on a friend's family for the day. Parents will be on a cruise. Even my friend who was going to run with me has a conflict. So, no family waiting with camera in hand. Seriously, I was upset for a few days. I mean, this is a big deal to me...I've worked hard and I'm proud of myself and I will be EXCESSIVELY proud of myself if I finish it.

So, I've recruited a friend from work who will run with me, but I told her she needs to sprint the last 1/2 mile (she's a great distance runner who is going to take it slow to run with me) so that she can be at the finish line, camera in hand, cheering for me! She's a good friend and she'll happily oblige. For that, I am appreciative. As disappointed as I am that my family won't be there, I will not let it steal my joy from that accomplishment.

Rambling Thoughts

I went out and ran the 5k route again today. It really is a beautiful run and I wish I could get all the way through it. Seems like the hills all hit at the wrong times! So, I still stopped and walked three times, but I shortened the walking and stretched the running. I just wouldn't let myself stop at the same places as last time...even if it was just ten steps further! And then, I started running again earlier than last time...even if it was just ten steps closer! :) Like I've said before, this is a mental game for me. All in all, I'm feeling pretty good about it. I have no idea if I can push myself to the full 5k in three weeks, but I need to figure out how to get okay with myself if I have to walk any of it. Right now, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I would feel a bit of failure if I have to walk. I've been working so hard for so long...I don't want to walk any of it!

Today, my mother commented on how much thinner my face is getting. Seems like a small thing and I could probably write several blog entries about my mom and the emotional baggage (which is probably why it WASN'T a small thing)...it was an important moment for me.

I went back and read through some of my old posts and it made me smile. I've come a long way in a relatively short time. It's good to reflect on it. Many of my initial goals are the same, and I'm a little closer to accomplishing some of them. I have a long way to go, but it was nice to reflect on the progress. A few other things I've noticed:

• I need to buy new jeans, which means I've technically gone down a size, but I don't want to spend the money. Primarily because I don't want to be in this size for long...so, I'm trying to decide if I just walk around in baggy jeans a little longer and then skip two sizes when I go to buy them.
• If I go down two sizes, I'll be back in the "regular store", which btw, was the name of my old blog. I love that name..."The Regular Store"...because it represents what the original driver was for me. Maybe I'll change this to "The Regular Store Redux".
• I need to tell my Camryn Manheim story on here. Coming soon...
• My knees don't hurt nearly as badly as they used to, which I find kind of funny since everyone has told me how bad running is for your knees! I guess not as bad as carrying the extra weight around.
• People telling me they're proud of me is almost as important as hearing compliments about the weight loss...maybe more...I guess this circles back around to what I said about the volumes I could write about my mom and the baggage. See how I did that? See how it's all connected? haha.
• I wonder if I can motivate myself to run the bridge run next year (10K)? That also makes me laugh since I haven't even managed a 5k yet!

Worst run ever.

Saturday afternoon, after getting back in town from son #2's soccer games, I decided I wanted to try to run the route for the 5k I'm scheduled to run at the beginning of May. I should've seen the red flags. I should've known this was a bad idea.

First, my legs were really tired after standing on the side of a soccer field for three hours earlier in the day. I think they were sore from running the night before, but they just weren't well rested and they ached.

Second, I printed the route and decided to drive it first so I knew where I was going without having to refer to a map while running. It took me an HOUR to figure it out. All because there's one little part of the run that is on a foot path and I had no way to know that I couldn't drive it. So, I spent a HUGE amount of time trying to find a road that didn't exist. By the time I finally figured it all out, it was almost dinner time, I was cranky and tired, and had pretty much lost my motivation. And, running for me, more than anything, is a mind game.

THEN, I parked my car at my office and set off. But, I had my huge set of keys, my cell phone, by route map, my ipod...and it was way too hot for my jacket that had the pocket to hold everything. So, around 1/4 mile into it, I peeled off the jacket and tied it around my waist. So, everything was jingling and hitting me in the rear end and the jacket kept sliding down my hips and I had to keep re-knotting it tighter, in hopes that it would stop sliding around.

I should've known. It just seemed doomed from the beginning. I think I ran too fast. I think it was hotter than I'm used to. I think my brain was screwing with my motivation. I took a wrong turn and ran down two dead-end roads. I had to stop and walk before I was even a mile in. Then, I alternated between running and walking the rest of the way. It was just awful. Seriously. The worst run I've had since I started. And it was bad that I picked the one day that I ran that route to have a bad day. It totally messed up my confidence in my ability to be able to run it in just three short weeks.

Sigh. I'm going to try again tomorrow morning. Hopefully, that will be better.

I love Wii Fit!

My first "reward" for weight loss came at the 15 lb. mark. I've set up different milestone rewards as little mini-goals. Most are for # lbs. lost, but some are things like finishing my first 5k (first weekend of May!!!), going down pants sizes, etc. Anyway, my first reward was buying wii fit and I LOVE IT! I've been trying to run every other day and then, on my "off" days, I've been spending at least 30 minutes on wii fit.

It's become quite the family competition, constantly trying to knock eachother out of first place on the different activities. I've learned I stink at the strength exercises, but I'm pretty good at the balance and really good at the aerobics (must be all of the running I'm doing) and surprisingly good at the yoga. I have to say, I'm way too hyper for yoga to hold my attention for long, but it does feel good to stretch my sore legs after running. And I get a good laugh at myself when I do the hula hoops! Last night, I unlocked boxing and I think it's my favorite so far!

I've been discovering new weight loss blogs, too! Adding the links to the left side of the page so I can have easy access. It's great motivation for me to pop over and spend some time on one of these sites when I'm feeling a little weak in the motivation area! These folks are a real inspiration to me.