Analysis

I read these questions on another blog and I wanted to answer them over here so that I can reflect on them when I need to...

1. What types of food were you most likely to overeat?
I think it was mainly carbs and sugary things. I still have the tendency to eat candy. What's funny is that I was always able to say "no" to things like cookies, cakes and chips. We'd have stuff like that in the house and they'd eventually have to be thrown away because they'd go stale. For me, it's things like sweet tarts, hot tomales, sprees, mike and ikes...any fruity/chewy/sugary candy.

2. What times of day did you overeat most often?
Oh gosh...without hesitation, it is any time of day when I am alone. I tend not to eat too much when I have an audience, but late at night after everyone is in bed...or in the office in the morning before anyone comes in. Those are the "bewitching hours".

3. What feelings were you having most often when you overate?
Guilt. While I'm eating something that I know I shouldn't be, I generally feel guilty. Once I'm done, it's remorse. Why did I do that? or I can't believe I just ate that. Then I feel pretty helpless... why did I just do that? I can't believe I just did that, that was stupid. And then, anger. I get so mad at myself because I have such a lack of self-control.

4. Do you think you have a binge eating disorder?
No. Unless emotional eating is considered an eating disorder

5. What circumstances in your life do you believe contributed to your weight gain?I think there are quite a few reasons. I've always over-committed to other people and have always put everyone else before myself. I am basically a very lazy person, so flopping on the couch was always something preferable to working out. I grew up with a very critical mother, and never really felt good enough. I remember her making comments about my weight when I was a teenager and when I look at pictures from that time in my life - I WAS SKINNY!!! This maybe was a way to self-protect. A few bad breakups at inopportune times in my life really gave a hit to the old self esteem. Fear of failure. Oh, gosh...this list could go on and on forever.

6. Do you 'blame' anyone for your weight?
No. I'm the only one who picks up a fork and places it in my mouth. I'm the only one who chose to watch tv instead of going for a run or walk. There may be all kinds of circumstances, but I'm the one who made the choices.

7. What other behaviors made you overweight?
I think I covered many of them in #5.

8. Were you active or exercising while you gained weight?
Haha. NO! If I had been, I doubt I'd be answering these questions.

9. What made you finally want to change?
That list, by the way, continues to grow. In short...I want to be healthy, I want my knees to not hurt, I want to set a good example for my kids, I want to NOT be the fattest girl in the room, I want to weigh less than my husband, I want to stop being invisible, I want to shop in the regular stores, I want to enjoy shopping again, I want to wow people at my reunion in August, I want to hear somebody tell me that "you haven't changed a bit" instead of getting that silent gaze that I typically get when I haven't seen somebody in a long time, I want to beat my 13 year old in a 5k, I want to have more energy...I could keep typing all day.