funk and cranky pants

I've looked back through pages of this and it seems like the content I've been putting on here is pretty superficial and light. My old blog covered so many serious and depressing topics, I got sick of hearing myself whine. Reason number one for getting rid of it last year. I didn't want to be that person who spends her time whining to total strangers on the Internet. That blog had a lot of regular readers and comments from folks and I always felt like I was fishing for "atta girls" and compliments every time I wrote anything sad. I may have gone too far the other way this time, to the point that I'm not really saying anything at all. I have been journaling (in the "drafts" of my email at work) about things that are really bothering me until I figure out a way to strike a balance on here. I know that nobody is reading this one...which sometimes makes me a little sad and lonely...and sometimes is freeing...so, technically, I'm writing for myself. I guess that means that writing it on here is really no different than in the drafts of my email. So, maybe I'll figure out a way to branch out.

The problem with that is it diverts me from my original purpose - to have a place to track my weight loss and fitness efforts. NOT to be my own personal self-therapy couch. I realize the mental aspects of all of this are integrally related to the weight issues, so I guess it's all related. I just don't want to spend my time on here whining. I just have a lot on my mind. I've been in a funk and have had my "cranky pants" on. I am feeling nostalgic and lonely. I've not wanted to be around my super-supportive, but sometimes exhausting and irritating husband. My parents moving to town make me feel crowded and judged and obligated and I hate that. My kids demand more of my time and attention that I feel able to give. I long for time alone. I really wish I wasn't trapped in my job. I feel used and taken advantage of and disappointed by many of my friends. Ugh. I feel like if I start writing about any of these, the flood gates will open and I'll get totally off track. Maybe I'll tackle one or two of these, but if I want it to stay focused on running and weight watchers, I need to keep it in check. Next post is going to be my Camryn Manheim story.